Okay, let’s file this one under Things To Watch When You’re Clutching Your Stomach With A Bad Case Of The Squirts.

Y’know, for the longest time I *REALLY* wanted to see this, The WB’s 2004 unaired attempt to remake/reboot/reimagine Lost In Space.

Ten years ago, when I heard that John Woo was rebooting Lost In Space, I thought, “Oh yeah!  Rock on!  How could this possibly go wrong?”

It did.  Ew.

I had given up looking for this years ago.  Tonight, I quite literally stumbled across it on YouTube because the chickadee who plays Judy Robinson just made her debut as a kick-ass recurring character on Agents Of SHIELD.

Unfortunately, she’s annoying here as Judy and I have absolutely no sympathy for all but one of the other characters.  The only performance that comes anywhere remotely near compelling is Jayne Brook as Maureen Robinson.  Makes me feel almost sorry I never watched Chicago Hope.  Almost.

The aliens are shit – funny guys dressed in funny suits making funny noises – and shit is not a threat.  Unless you’re watching Dogma.  This ain’t Dogma.  It’s really sad to think “The Great Vegetable Rebellion” featured more imaginative and provocative antagonists than this pathetic reimagining.

This actually makes the ’98 film look like an enjoyable romp through my childhood joys.  And I despised that reprehensible waste of celluloid.

Thank goodness this never aired, because in retrospect I wish I had never seen it.  I’d much rather continue to imagine what John Woo could have done with Lost In Space than be forced to ever sit through it again.

 

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